I'll let you in on a secret... I hate my body. Well, I did and some days, unfortunately, still do. In saying that, I feel that every single one of you reading this knows exactly where I'm coming from and have been here many times before. Like most of us, I had a few experiences in my teenage years that lead me to create stories in my mind of my value in life because of the way I looked. In my early teens I was a chubby-wubby young girl and unfortunately was subjected to harsh criticism within my peer group but also in my own family. Since age of 8 my family was blended with another family and just like having any form of siblings, they tease you. I was tormented and ridiculed for just how fat I was but then it was also coming from a place that I valued most- my parents (well, more importantly my "evil wicked stepmother"- which now, after so many years of hurt, I can thank for lessons learnt on how to properly love with no judgement or conditions.) I remember it got so bad that, although I was loosing weight & I was healthy, I was wearing clothes that were two sizes too big just because I thought I still was a size 14. I remember being told that a girl should never be bigger than a size 10 unless she has had kids and also I said that I wasn't fat but broad; to which I was measured in comparison to my step mother to show how much "broader" she was and that it was no excuse. I have on occasion allowed myself to be steered toward bulimia and to this day no one knew and I'm sorry you have found out this way. One day I completely broke down at 17 years old, in the shower screaming why me and why am I so fat. My whole identity had been put on what I looked like and what I weighed. I honestly remember standing in front of the mirror with scissors in hand, trying to figure out how to cut away the fat. I was 12 years old. The irony of it all? Looking back at photo's I was so damn beautiful and it pains me to see that I never saw it for myself... because I wasn't ever really taught how to love myself. Over the years I put on weight in my early twenties whilst travelling and lost it but still, my weight fluctuates 3-8kgs every year. Only until recently, my self worth was fully in the number I was on the scale. The stories I have created around the perception of myself and my worthiness are all lies and I can only really see this now at 26 that I am so much more than what I look like or how heavy I am.
Now the past 3 years I have been coming to terms with my self doubt and my confidence within my own body... I don't eat the healthiest but I am active and feed my body the nutrients it needs but hey, I'll have a chicken n cheese if the mood calls for it and then probably a sundae and some fries... and probably some nuggets too- why not? Now I'm not sharing this for sympathy, as I truly believe that my story is so PG in compared to other ladies and gentleman out there but this isn't a place to compare... more of a place to learn, to grow and to love! What if we can truly turn this self loathing and self hate toward ourselves and our bodies to full blown, overwhelming love? I've managed to learn, over time, that I bring a lot more to the table than superficial beauty and it's fucking exciting that I am able to see this now and not be stopped to pursue my dreams of change and love within ourselves and as a collective. Tell me, when was the last time you thanked your body or you told your body you loved it for everything it is & everything it does? Right now, ladies & gents, I want you to do something with me. Sit and relax with 3 big deep letting go breaths and place your hand over your heart. Can you feel the rhythm of your beating heart? And then take your other hand to your sacral chakra- if you're not sure where that is, place it over where your womb is or for men where it would be. When you're ready, I want you to take the moment to tell yourself and your body Thank you... Thank you... (for whatever comes to mind say it after you declare your gratitude) Thank you... I love you... I love you... (for whatever comes to mind say it after you declare your love for yourself) I. LOVE. YOU.
When I first did this exercise, I cried. I'll be totally honest with you it made me feel so uncomfortable and so overwhelmed with sadness for myself. That I have starved myself of this love that I need in order to grow and to cultivate a community of self love and energy within women and men if they would join me. I have in the past wanted to share this story but I wasn't ready and now I take the bull by the horns and I want to help guide you beauties on this journey to self love. If you have little people around you, I want you to start teaching them exercises of self love, to have them fully accept themselves from such a young age. We are fighting an uphill battle because as social media will have it and the dating culture of today, it really drills into everyone that you are perceived by what you look like, what you weigh or what you wear. I want to eradicate this utter BULLSHIT and start teaching us all to grow tall and big just like a sunflower- chasing the sun and standing in it's own light. Lets create this movement together where acceptance & love comes first. #Thebodyimagerevolution