Hey girl. I see you. You struggled through high school and you feel like you never truly belonged anywhere. You still feel as if you don't. But have you ever thought of this as a blessing? Me either. That is until recently when I was spending my mornings doing my thing; dancing, singing, journalling and pulling oracle cards- I had a download of "I was never meant to belong". By belonging to a group, a person or whatever it is you associate belonging with, you actually lose yourself if you are trying to unconsciously "belong". You lose yourself to a way of thinking that never was yours before but now you see it as your own opinion, you lose your energy- intertwined with others. Perhaps it's not necessarily that you don't belong but rather the fact that you haven't found the people of which you consciously belong to. To be cherished for having your own ideas, dialogue, love and energy.
Until you find your tribe, this does come at a cost of being on the outer edges of a friendship group, people may look at you and exclaim their own confusion for who you are by cutting you out or cutting you off. It's painful, isn't it? I've literally had girls run away from me. I've had people threaten my own life. I've had apples thrown at my head. I've given myself to people in a way of acceptance that is so damaging because that's all I've been longing for- to belong, be accepted & loved. Everyone had always seen me as a happy go-lucky, positive & bubbly girl but really it was a mask for people to like me or to feel like this is how I would be worthy of friendship. Does this sound familiar? Taking on an identity that isn't fully you that would leave you feeling exhausted at the mere thought of a party or interaction with people that you don't fully feel like is your calling but you would do it anyway just because you'd rather not be alone or an outcast.
You were this person out of FEAR of not being accepted. I am still that girl. Happy, out-going, positive and loveable because I want to. I am her with love.
Is this resonating with you? Let this be the start of your light coming out to play and be seen. If you replace that fear of not being liked with love for yourself, you're going to bring in some badass bitches that sing your praises and raise you up because they see you. They see your worth, they see your love, they see your light. We, not too long ago, came from tribes and community, however, we live in a day where it is hard to find these connections with women or men. We've been taken further away from our source energy to be lone wolves. You can choose to no longer serve yourself like that. You always have a choice. Continue to take steps toward loving yourself. The recipe for this is huge and I'm still working on it myself but you can start small, my love. Take yourself out on a date because you deserve to be treated well. Take yourself for a massage because you want to honour your body. Dive deep into the cleansing ocean and feel your legs wobble when you kick your body through the water. Dance and feel the movement of your body and what you can create by swinging your hips- feel your sexiness. From taking these ingredients and adding more and more that speaks to you, you're only showing up for yourself. You're proclaiming to the world & the universe that you are worthy of cultivating deep connections because you have a connection with yourself like no other. You may already feel like you belong but you have a niggle that it doesn't feel right in your body. If you start stepping up & in to your light and your truth, you will lose people. People that you never thought you would because you have known each other for years. You've shared experiences, love and trust and yet they just don't serve your highest good, your highest self. Trust that even if you loose people you will gain so much more. You will gain yourself. With love, always,